July 3rd 1972 to September 9th 2016

Today was the worst day. Ever. I lost somebody today. Not just anybody. My best friend. Somebody very special to me whom I always knew I could always confide in and be myself around. Some one who made me laugh. A lot.

  Tomorrow and every day after that and for the rest of my life. He won't be there. Ever. Again. Done. Over. Those days are gone. I will never have another conversation with Timothy Russell Gray ever again. I will never hear another Happy Birthday ever again from him. Not one more Happy Mother's Day will he ever say to me again. There will be no new Facebook posts from Tim for me to like, smile at, or laugh with. Not one Facebook Messenger message to Tim Gray will ever get viewed by him. He's gone. Those days are gone. And somehow I will have to keep putting one foot in front of the other knowing I'll never get another chance to talk to my best friend ever again.

  Tim sure was a likeable guy. God he made me laugh. We have had so much fun together. I miss those times and I will miss being able to ever do it again. Bowling with our group of Outback Steakhouse friends in Memphis, Tennessee. He turned himself into a bowling ball one night and slid down the lane knocking all the pins down with his body. He got in trouble. But he didn't care. He only needed to do that one time and it was worth it to him. Because it was fun. Because it was funny. And because that's who Tim is. Tim is a fun, funny, likeable, friendly, happy, good mood, kind of guy. And I really like him.

  He sure did like to fish. In fact he taught me how to fish. I had never even fished or even thought about fishing before I met Tim. And you know what? The first time I tried to fish; I caught one. It wasn't a big fish but it was a fish and I really liked catching that fish. That wasn't the last fish I caught with Tim Gray. I caught a lot of fish with Tim Gray. I'm not sure I ever caught a fish while Tim wasn't with me. He thought it was the cutest thing when I innocently asked "what's a tackle?" I had no clue and he sure did enjoy the opportunity to be the one to tell me just what a tackle was.

  Man could he catch a fish too. He always caught a fish. He made it look so easy. He made it look so fun. He was good at it and he loved it. I remember when I made keep that catfish for me because it was too cute to let go or eat. He strung it up on some rope that had a spikey silver thing on it and stuck the spike in the mud so my catfish could play happily as we drove away in the boat to go catch some more fish. It was my favorite fish. I might have even named it.

  I've never caught a catfish. I always wanted to after that. I don't think I even want to anymore now. It wouldn't be the same. What would be the point? Tim isn't going to be there to see me catch it anyway. Where's the fun in that. Maybe one day I'll buy a catfish and name him Tim.

  I named my cat after Tim once. I don't even remember where that cat came from now but I do remember I named it Tim Duncan because I really liked Tim and he really liked the San Antonio Spurs. It seemed appropriate. I had never watched basketball until I met Tim. His love for the Spurs was so strong how could I not love the Spurs too. I became a huge fan of the San Antonio Spurs back then in 1998. I still am a fan of the Spurs. In fact it's the only sport I'll even pay attention to. We watch a lot of Spurs basketball games together. We even saw them win their first championship together. It was one of my new favorite things about San Antonio, and the Spurs and basketball. I was hooked. We were like little kids walking around the Riverwalk high fiving everybody, car horns honking, people smiling, cheering, smiles everywhere. Good times. Happy times. Definitely good times.

  But the good times didn't begin in 1998 when the San Antonio Spurs won their first championship. Nope. The good times began back in 1993 when I met Tim. He was driving that CJ5 Jeep of his. He was delivering a pizza to me and Raylon. It was the first time I met Tim. I liked him immediately. He was fun. His music was loud. He just rolled up in that Jeep being his usual silly, fun, friendly self and he immediately left an impression on me. He was somebody I was happy to have met.

  That Jeep. I loved that Jeep. We had so many fun memories in that Jeep. Listening to Snoop Dog, White Zombie, and probably other music I'm sure but White Zombie will always remind me of Tim. It has his energy. It has his in your face, this is me, I'm silly, and I'm not changing it take me as I am. I'm not sure I'd ever even heard of White Zombie until I met Tim and if I did well I never listened to them the way Tim did until I met Tim while White Zombie was playing.

  We seemed to hit it off almost immediately Tim and I. Nothing serious at the time just two people that really enjoyed each other's company. Some of the best times of my life were spent in the presence of Tim. Tim brought a certain something to atmosphere that I was drawn to. We spent a lot of time hanging out and making memories for what seemed like probably maybe a year at most and then I didn't see Tim anymore. I always kind of missed Tim after that. Once you've met Tim you notice things aren't the same without him. I missed the way things were when I was with Tim.

  Then one day, about 5 years later I guess I happened to notice the guy standing behind me in line at Blockbuster was Tim. Not only did I get to see Tim again, unexpectedly, but I also got to meet one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life that day, unexpectedly, Miss Connie Jo Gay. His mother. We exchanged phone numbers and pleasantries and then I was on my way. It wasn't  too long after that that one of us gave  the other one a phone call and well we never really fully separated again after that. Until tonight.

Probably around the time Tim went to be with the Lord I was listening to this song at least 15 times in a row as loud as I could singing it as loud and powerfully as I could. No wonder I felt something so strong as I sang out my soul.

I believe God was telling me that Tim was going home. That he was going to be with the Lord and that it was going to be okay.

It was during reading the first book in the Left Behind series that I openly asked Tim if he ever wondered if there was a heaven. Tim didn't wonder. He knew there was and he knew what he needed to do.

As soon as we got home he grabbed his Bible, the phone, and called his dad to get guidance on how to lead me to the Lord. He read me the Roman Road to Salvation and afterwards led me in the most important thing I ever said out loud. The prayer of salvation.

Thank you, Timothy Gray, for not allowing me to be Left Behind.

This is the song I was singing last night. Her name is Lauren Daigle. She's already my favorite and this is her song as the trailer to what appears to be a new Left Behind movie.


 God has brought you home.

 

Through the eyes of men it seems
There's so much we have lost
As we look down the road
Where all the prodigals have walked
One by one
The enemy has whispered lies
And led them off as slaves

But we know that you are God
Yours is the victory
We know there is more to come
That we may not yet see
So with the faith you've given us
We'll step into the valley unafraid, yeah

As we call out to dry bones
Come alive, come alive
We call out to dead hearts
Come alive, come alive
Up out of the ashes
Let us see an army rise
We call out to dry bones, come alive

God of endless mercy
God of unrelenting love
Rescue every daughter
Bring us back the wayward son
And By your spirit breathe upon them
Show the world that you alone can save
You alone can save

As we call out to dry bones
Come alive, come alive
We call out to dead hearts
Come alive, come alive
Up out of the ashes
Let us see an army rise
We call out to dry bones come alive

So breathe, oh breath of God
Now breathe, oh breath of God
Breathe, oh breath of God
Now breathe

Breathe, oh breath of God
Now breathe, oh breath of God
Breathe, oh breath of God, now breathe

As we call out to dry bones
Come alive, come alive
We call out to dead hearts
Come alive, come alive
Up out of the ashes
Let us see an army rise
We call out to dry bones come alive, yeah
We call out to dry bones, come alive

Oh come alive